Power of Self-Love

Written by Bela Romano

Graphics by Lily Hobl

In the last 3 months, my life has changed in almost every way imaginable, i.e. moving across the country on a whim, starting my first full time job, enduring heartbreak in a new place where I didn’t yet have a new support system, and receiving a new chronic medical diagnosis. All of these events happened very quickly, and as a result, I found myself adapting and growing in ways I didn’t think were possible before. I want to preface this article by saying that I have not felt confident in my ability to handle adversity, despite going through the motions several times before. However, this time is quite different. Being in a new place where everything is suddenly so unfamiliar has presented me with numerous challenges, but it has also provided me with many pleasant things to look forward to. The cards I’ve been dealt have motivated me to become the best person I can be to myself, and I’m extremely grateful for that despite being in the early stages of my self-love journey. 

One of the most important things I’ve come to realize is that early adulthood is full of transitions, and we often end up going down unexpected paths. While this time is uncomfortable and challenging, it’s comforting to know that most of us will have a shift that we didn’t necessarily plan for. If you’re someone who is goal-oriented, then you can probably relate to the innate desire to plan for very specific scenarios. Those who have certain goals in life are often looking to the future, so it can be difficult to accept when things don’t work out the way we had planned for. As much as we hope for certain outcomes, we don’t always have the ability to control every factor that comes into play. This is where I realized that self-love should be my biggest priority, since it’s one of the few things I actually have control over. 

In the last month, I’ve started creating new habits that foster health, confidence, and positivity in all realms of my life. Some practices have been easier to get into, but learning how to love yourself requires a considerable amount of patience and open-mindedness. When I decided to embark on this journey, my main goal was not to just fall in love with myself, but rather, fall in love with the world around me. Admittedly, many of the rituals I began incorporating were to my own benefit, but they also provided me with a fresh perspective on life. 

For me, the most rewarding practice has been exploring what I’m interested in, and getting a sense of what different activities do for my mood. For instance, I joined the dance community within two weeks of moving to my new city. At first, I was intimidated by the fact that there were so many talented dancers, but fortunately, the dance community was very welcoming and willing to teach me. This experience quickly led to me becoming involved with a variety of dance styles, and now dancing is an essential part of my weekly routine. It should go without saying, but you don’t have to be the best at something in order to still enjoy it. Despite being a perfectionist, I’m beginning to lean into the imperfect parts of myself, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the skills I’ve picked up along the way.

Along that same vein, I decided to revisit my old habit of journaling. This has been crucial for me especially after going through several major transitions, as it helps put my thoughts in a physical space where I can pick them apart in a more logical frame of mind. Journaling can be meditative, even though it sometimes involves active thinking about stressful or emotional events. Many people like to write before going to bed, as it can provide relief from the flood of thoughts that can keep one up at night. However, I like to have a balance between positive and negative thoughts, so I try to write about short-term goals and ideas that I can look forward to acting on in the next year. However, journaling doesn’t always have to involve reflecting or planning. It can also be beneficial to simply write about smaller positive experiences, such as having a nice interaction with the cashier at the grocery store or seeing something exciting on a hike. There’s a lot to think about at every waking minute, but being able to put my thoughts onto paper allows for a special kind of perspective that is hard to achieve through thinking alone. 

The other major ritual I’ve begun practicing is healing my inner child. One of my close friends shared her thoughts on this topic, and she emphasized the importance of healing all versions of ourselves that are hurting, which also includes our inner teen and young adult. The first step involves acknowledging where the hurt is, and understanding that it’s now in the past. Once you’re able to accept that some unfortunate things cannot be changed, you can then start focusing on what can be done to change your perspective in the present moment. Whether it’s watching a movie that evokes nostalgia, painting, or riding a bike, these are all things that I’ve found to heal younger versions of myself. Rather than fixating on negative experiences I had growing up, taking part in these childlike activities gives me the chance to experience joyful aspects of my younger life once again. When you connect with your inner child, the experience should not be tainted with guilt or other negative emotions attached, which I believe is vital to fostering self-love. Even if it was previously difficult to experience certain activities in a positive way, it is still very possible to derive joy and happiness from them at a different age.

Although these are just a few of the practices I’ve put in place for myself, there are many more to be explored. Self-love will look different for everyone, but the end goal is the same. In the brief time I’ve spent on this journey so far, I’ve already learned how such rituals can improve self-esteem and confidence while also reducing anxiety and insecurity over things that we cannot control. Giving ourselves the love and care we strive to give others can feel foreign and possibly selfish, but it is something we should be doing more of to improve our own quality of life. Self-love is the foundation for being able to open our hearts, recognizing and acknowledging our own needs, and learning to prioritize what is best for us in the healthiest way possible. While it initially requires a lot of effort to get into these new habits, they eventually become rituals to look forward to each day.